Flying the Unfriendly Skies

Ok.

Really, I don't even know where to start.

If you don't have anything better to do, stick around, this may take a while. It only took me about, oh, 17 hours.

But let's start this off right.

Thursday, 7:00am. Kaelyn and I are headed to the airport, carry on and stroller in tow. Kaelyn's first time on a plane was coming up, and I was weaving between nervous excitement and constant prayer that it was calm, smooth sailing for the next  four hours. I was on my own, and I was prepared to the max. Snacks, toys, dvd player, more snacks. Large Starbucks. Diaper bag, back pack, stroller. I was feeling good and I looked like a pack mule.

We get there with a little time to spare, have a smooth security check in, and are bee-bopping our way down the terminal.

I get to the monitors to make sure we are headed to the right gate when I see :




CANCELLED

No way. I glanced at the wrong monitor. Let's try again.






CANCELLED




Ha. Hahaha. HA. Not freaking funny, but fine. I'll roll with it. Let's go see our alternate plan options. When one airplane door shuts another opens! Right!!

Oh, my blissful ignorance.

The mildly unfriendly lady the check in desk, after taking 15 minutes to flirt with the dude in front of me, confirms that the flight was cancelled. Ok, thanks, got that. She stares at me blankly, I swear to you, does not crack even a half smirk, or make eye contact with me.We'll discuss customer service issues later. So I ask her, in a very non-panicked state (note this for later) what are my other options to get to Savannah.

I won't even bore you with the litany of non-options she gave me, but it boiled down to me getting as close as possible in the least amount of time possible, which turned out to be flying to Charleston, via Detroit, which left in a little under two hours.

Makes no sense, but made the most sense given the other options she gave me, so I'll take it. And Ms. Unfriendly mentions that Detroit is a big airport, but they typically fly connecting flights into the same terminal, so we'll be fine. I barely hear this nugget because I am calling Lu to tell her that we need to be picked up over an hour and a half away in South Carolina.

Kaelyn is doing good, chilling in the stroller for a while. When she gets ancy we break out the new dvd player (which Ben had surprised me with and come home the night before. BEN WHITE YOU ROCK).

After about twenty minutes of that we had to find something else to do, or she was going to climb walls.
This is when I found out that whoever planned the moving walkways in the airport was definitely a mother. Because it was the only, and I mean ONLY, thing this child wanted to do.

This was in Nashville, waiting on our first flight. I know I can exaggerate, but I mean this in the most honest way possible. Hours. We rode this thing for hours that day. And she never bored of it. We would reach the end, and she would immediately point to the one going in the opposite direction and ask "Mama, mo'?"

We finally jump on the first leg of our flight to Detroit, and are lucky enough to get a middle seat. Woo-stinking-hoo.  Fortunately, we were in between two angels, a grandpa on one side and a grandma on the other, who were more than willing to entertain a toddler, open pretzels and my can of Sprite.

Here is my travel companion on her first flight :) Best shot I could get.

As we taxi down the runway and I say my prayers that Kaelyn's ears won't hurt and that she won't scream, she lays her head down on my shoulder.
And about the time our tires leave pavement, Grandpa on my left says, "Man, she's out like a light."
Say huh?
It cannot be this easy.
She slept until the pilot told the flight attendants to prepare for arrival.
Nice.

We get to Detroit, hop off the plane, and I find the monitor to check our gate number for our flight to Charleston. Which leaves in 25 minutes, which means they are boarding about maybe five minutes ago.

C7

Surely. This has got to be a joke.
I look at the gate I just walked out of:

A16

Have you ever been to the Detroit Airport?
No? They have really long moving walkways.
And escalators.
And elevators.
Because it is the size of TEXAS.

This pack mule took off at a full trot.
We get to C7 and I'm pretty much in denial when I see the only person at the gate is the lady at the desk.
There is no way.
No way I missed this flight.

"Hi (pant pant wheez wheez), please tell me the plane hasn't left yet?"

"Yep, left about 30 seconds ago."

Ok.

Cue ugly cry.

Not a quiet moment with a few tears squeaking out.  Not a sad tired mommy cry.
A full-on hands over my face, heavy breathing, awkward for everyone else cry.
As my child plays with her Goldfish making roar!! noises.

I'm pretty sure I called Lu to tell her what had happened, and used a few colorful words to describe the fact that I #)(*#$ didn't *#)(@* think )@(# this @#* crap )@#* was funny any more. 

Or something like that. Sorry, Lu.

After I pull myself together, with no help from Ms. Unfriendly Numero Dose, I ask, AGAIN, what are my options.
Tomorrow morning at 9?
Tonight at 11:30 via two layovers?
HI PEOPLE I HAVE A TODDLER AND A VERY UNSTABLE MINDSET RIGHT NOW. JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED THAT.

How about a flight in two hours into Atlanta?
Fine. FINE. Why not? I was only trying to get to SAVANNAH. Which is THREE more hours from there.

She hands me my new boarding pass (which is back in Terminal A, which is where that eventual insanity laugh begins) and we also get a couple of food vouchers for $20 courtesy of Delta so we could grab something to eat.

So we go grab a water, a juice, and a yogurt parfait which takes care of that $20 and head back up.
We travel five more miles on the moving walkways.
We browse the shops.
We watch a little bit of a movie.
We get in line to board.

"Ladies and Gentleman, we are on a ground hold due to lightening for an indefinite period, we will let you know when it is lifted, thank you for your patience."

Was it wrong of me to scream  "I have no more patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  ??? No? Ok good.

Ground hold is lifted 30 minutes later.

Woohoo!! Here we go!!




"Ladies and Gentleman.....'

I swear, so help me.....

"We have found it necessary to run a safety check on some of the mechanics on the plane...."

I'm about to safety check you into next week....

"...so we thank you for your patience as we make sure we are in proper working order."


I have no more energy or patience to lose at this point, I'm just along for the ride.

So guess what we did??

I'm installing one in the back yard next week.

We eventually get on the plane, and I start looking for my seat, which is C5. 
Bonus of traveling with an infant is you get to be first in line in with the First Class people.


I step on the plane, look to my right, and see that the seats start with E, and I seriously felt like all senses left me.

I immediately almost just sit down on the floor because I think "Dear Lord in Heaven, I'm on the wrong plane. The. Wrong. Plane. It doesn't even have my seat number."

A flight attendant asks me if I need any help, as I blankly show her my boarding pass.

"Oh yes ma'am, right this way"

And the curtains parted.         Hello, First Class.

I sit next to some dude in tailored Armani, as he eyes me and my child like we are his worst nightmare come true.

Dude, I think, do not test me.

We were in First Class baby, and we ate it up! OnDemand Disney movies, Twix bars, bananas, pillows, blankets, a seat that really reclined, and a couple hours later Kaelyn had taken another nap and we had landed in ATL.

Three and a half hours later we were at Grandmama's.

And four hours later I received an email from The Airline That Will Not Be Mentioned, asking me about my experience today and if I would like to give any feedback.

=)

Oh, would I....